This post is on a satirical note for the Youngistaan ka WOW contest on IndiBlogger. As per the contest rules, the article that gets the highest number of unique comments from fellow bloggers qualify to win the contest. So, go ahead and share your thoughts on my challenge in the form of comments (forget not to include your blog URL while commenting!). This is the contest question – If you were the game master, what challenge would you like to throw to Ranbir?
Since I am the game master, why should I be constrained with just one question? So, I am asking as many questions as possible in the rapid fire format – Why not? after all we know the fact of ‘Yeh Dil Maange More!‘. The only condition here in my game is that ‘The Pepsi Ranbir’ will qualify for my next question only upon correctly answering the current question. By the way, the answers that Ranbir/Pepsi team provide should be inline with rest of the people’s knowledge and can be answered in detail unlike just a single word similar to ‘WOW’. With that let me start my questionnaire game!
Q1 – How is pepsi manufactured?
A – We extract the ground water from various parts of our great nation where the water levels are recording the new rock bottom every day. Doesn’t really matter to us if we are hurting the farmers and their lands in those places. Then we add some more ingredients to it like Sugar and CO2 (Carbon DiOxide) to make you feel WoW upon drinking. Not to mention, the Sugar adds on free calories to make you stout/obese (provided you don’t work out) and more CO2 to ruin our environment at a faster rate… come on folks.. I have answered this from my heart, should you all be saying ‘WOW’ now?
Well done! Now your next question.
Q2 – How do you ship Pepsi to various places from the manufacturing unit?
A – Ah, that is a very simple question, but let me give you a detailed answer so that everyone understands it better. Once the carbonated water is made available after preparation, we use different modes to bottle the drink. Our product is made available through PLASTIC bottles, glass containers, fountain vending machines and canned metal containers. Yes, though we use recyclable plastic, we do harm our environment to a lesser extent and it is not completely bio degradable like tender coconut. All these various bottling modes are then required to make use of the refrigerators to serve our drink chilled. So, we do cause enormous harm to mother earth and its atmosphere by consuming more electricity to serve you always ‘Tanda’ drink, polluting the air with CFC which in turn make holes in Ozone layer. Thus we do contribute to the greater cause of ‘Global Warming’.
WOW… that was a very nice answer. I can’t agree more! Now that you have bought up ‘Tender Coconut’ in your answer, here is the next question.
Q3 – How beneficial is to drink a Pepsi for human body?
A – Like I have mentioned earlier, we aim to serve our drink only in chilled form across the country including places where we still have fluorinated water. We quench the thirst of Indians all over including those places where the safe drinking water is not available. We have established our market to all the remote places in such a way that our Pepsi will be available even if you don’t find drinking water. We have diet Pepsi too for all those calories conscious souls. Though we take our product quality extremely important, we have come across few bad incidents like pesticides or frog/toad remains in our product, they are very rare incidents. I suggest people not to dig too much into negative news. After all human is to err and we are not producing a drink that is direct from nature like Tender Coconut, Hence there will be few exceptions here and there. We strive for you people to say ‘WOW’ upon every sip of Pepsi.
Good one again, but I think it is incomplete.
Q4 – Can you talk about the nutritional value of Pepsi?
A – First of all I am not a qualified nutrition or diet expert. All I can say is we want to make you ‘WOW’ for every sip of our product. My job is just to market this drink through ads since they pay me hefty. Why should I worry about all this crap when there are millions of fools out there to pay exorbitant price for our product which is nothing but sweetened and carbonated water. If you are looking for exhaustive list of vitamins, proteins and minerals like what you have in tender coconut, sorry but pepsi is no where comparable!
I am truly a fan of you for being so open with your answers. Here is the last question:
Q5 – When you are aware of all the facts about drinking soft drinks against tender coconut, why don’t you promote natural drinks?
A – What the hell are you talking about? Do you think our ordinary farmer will be able to pay me in millions for promoting tender coconut? Pepsi sponsors cricket teams, live concert musical evenings etc., to enjoy our youth. What has tender coconut promoted in this country? More over promoting coconut tree itself is a big headache as it is completely against our policies and it is so environmental friendly that all its parts are biologically decomposable in a short span unlike our pepsi plastic bottles which can survive for centuries. Don’t you think we will be too environment conscious by supporting tender coconut? More over it is my personal opinion to support Pepsi for making money for my own life. Why should I be caring for all those profitless promos of natural drinks? You pay me better than pepsi, I don’t mind promoting anything on this damn earth. Are you expecting a ‘Padmashri Pullela Gopichand‘ out of me? Do you get that?
Wow.. you are brilliant and absolutely to the point. You win and thanks for taking part in my game!!!
PS & Disclaimer:
I don’t like any of the carbonated soft drinks irrespective of the product/company, rarely drink when left with no other option. Intent of this article is not to defame any cola company, but to make people understand the benefits of opting for natural drinks. There by promoting the Indian agricultural produce and lending my support to all those farmers to help us save our earth by spreading the green love. Think about all those marketing gimmicks to make you pay for a bottle of carbonated water at stupidly exorbitant prices. Do you think we should still go with these soft drinks and ruin our mother earth which is already getting abused to the core?
UPDATE as on 16th Apr 2010:
Pepsi has accepted the defeat by not letting my nomination get through to final list of ‘IndiBlogger of the Month’. The intent of this article is to spread the awareness of natural drinks and their benefits as against the corporate world of carbonated drinks.